Nick Cave, Indra's Net, and Canoe Talks Returning
How we foster genuine hope & wonder among real people
Dear Tracker:
What do you do when the thing that once held you suddenly cannot? I think about versions of this question often. Maybe because people share with me all kinds of chaos while moving forward big projects and initiatives.
But there’s one story that brings me to my knees. Maybe because I’m father to two daughters I adore, one of them 15. Here’s the start of it I want to share with you.
Bard, musician, film score writer (Harry Potter), and father to twin boys Nick Cave was riding high after disciplining his muse to be a 9-5 pm coworker for 15 years so he could be a great musician and a great father.
Then while his family was on vacation, his teen son Arthur fell to his death from a cliff. Cave spiraled. He lost the ability to write lyrics. He no longer trusted his own responses to life’s everyday moments. “I just don’t have any handle on things anymore,” he said in a 2016 documentary. “It’s frightening.”
His daily creative practice and sense of wonder, what he would later say was his center, slipped from him.
At some point, though, something unexpected brought him back. Call it relational wonder.
When the center collapses, genuine connection can draw us back to hope. For leaders, entrepreneurs, and creators, fostering real community can become a vital act of resilience and regeneration.
I want to dig into this story and this topic with you, and see what it stirs.
In this week’s Wonder Dispatch
Jeffrey’s Main Wondering: Nick Cave, fostering true connection, and hope
On Jeffrey’s Radar: Community member howl-outs and resources to stoke curiosity
Canoe Talks Might Come Back - my “AMA” way of responding to your questions
A warm welcome, by the way, to all of you new subscribers, readers, members, and wonderers. Some of you arrived here by way of last week’s premium essay “Lightning, Pandemics, & Hurricanes,” our Wonder@Work Assessment, good ol’ curiosity, or referral. I’m glad you’re here.
Where does hope live when the center collapses?
You’ve likely had your share of setbacks and losses that sent you far from the path you had imagined. Emotional storms can squash your desire to pursue any kind of meaningful work or activity.
If you’re a leader, service provider, or organizational director, put yourself in the place of the people you could elevate and connect. What hope might they have lost?
When the world loses its vibrant colors, what will bring people back so they can make the work they’re here for?
When we suffer emotional flatness or despair, social isolation especially can deepen the suffering. In an article in the Harvard Business Review, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, former Surgeon General of the United States, writes, "Loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated with obesity."
If it’s true that as New York Times commentator David Brooks suggests “Social isolation may be the central challenge of our era,” then how can we diverse human beings come together to create and collaborate better?
For Cave, the first element that brought him back to center was sincere, honest connection. Cave’s fans reached out with epic support for the artist they loved. He and his wife Susie realized they weren’t alone in their suffering. Then Cave responded in kind to his fans by starting the Red Hands File, a blog in which he takes a fan’s question and responds in an eloquent letter. Now the topics range from,
“What do you mean when you say at a concert that you love your fans?” to
“Do you get mistaken for Nic Cage?” to simply,
“I’m a dick sometimes and am embarrassed. xo - Carol from Britain.”
Wonder can meet you on the other side of grief and hand you back the hope to live more fully.
Psychology’s literature on hope, especially coming out of Shane Lopez’s work, shows that hopeful people reach out for support and help. Moments of wonder with other human beings, in turn, can expand your world.
This point came home to me again recently. A couple of dozen people I work with gathered on a live Lab call. These are artists, coaches, consultants, service providers, photographers, writers, and community builders. They’re part of the latest Deepen Your Focus & Flow at Work cohort.
Toward the Lab’s close, people reflected on what they’re gaining beyond tools, tips, and content.
In a word: connection.
One person said, “Most of the people in this cohort work on their own, and yet I think what most of yearn for is connection.”
A relationships coach absorbed an artist’s devotion and asked to know more. A photographer, who helps clients feel truly seen, resonated with a yoga teacher’s commitment to healing.
“What’s remarkable,” one participant said (I’m paraphrasing from memory), “is that we each have such different endeavors, and yet we all share a common desire to contribute good to the world.”
In the space between and among diverse people, bridges formed. Threads emerged.
Multi-colored arcs, like rainbows.
The moments, like most wondrous moments, were fleeting yet their afterglow can linger.
These surprising connections help dissolve biases and foster attunement. In this way, connection becomes wonder’s flock facet.
And in that shared space, many of us experience another facet of wonder: hope. Hope, because we witness other thoughtful human beings devoting themselves to something meaningful.
These moments become counter-data to the cynicism and fatigue we absorb from headlines or scrolls.
A voice professor writing a book feels resonance with an IP lawyer in mid-pivot.
That’s counter-data. That’s the glimmer of a rainbow.
This connection among diverse voices is what executive coach nurtures in her HI Circles and what psychologist and provocateur thrives on with his Provoked community of diverse readers.
In Buddhism, Indra’s Net is a vast net that stretches across the universe with a glimmering jewel at each node.
When in dire doubt about my place in the world or the future, I step back in my imagination and see myself not as an island but as one of those jewels connected with all of the universe’s other jewels.
When your future seems disheartening and you feel alone, or when that’s true of the people you elevate in your business community, you also might step back and remember who the jewels are in your life: the friend who’s a phone call away with the right outlook, the stranger at the café who picks up your tab for no ulterior reason (this happened to me not too long ago while with my daughters), the colleague who quietly listens.
In fostering genuine connection, we reweave the net of hope for ourselves and for others.
Consider Micro-Connection Interventions
Who in your life feels like one of Indra’s Net jewels but hasn’t heard from you in a while?
Call someone you’ve thought of recently but haven’t reached out to.
Create a small space (in a meeting, a walk, a DM) where someone else feels deeply seen.
Connect two people in your network who might benefit from each other.
Choose one moment this week to pause and see another person fully without fixing, solving, or performing. Just witness them. Listen to learn. What shifts?
Send me a question that I might choose to reply to via a future Canoe Talk.
Your Turn to Wonder
»> These days, where are you finding genuine connection and hope?
»> If relevant, how are you fostering connection and hope among the people you elevate?
Hit Reply if reading via email or…
I try to reply to everyone.
I work with several entrepreneurs who want to build communities in person and online. Leaders who want to inspire teams and employees to rise together to their best work. Professionals who want to grow their lists. Build. Inspire. Grow.
We often begin with ways they can foster genuine connections among the people they elevate.
As creators and leaders, we don’t have to have all the answers, but we can create spaces that hold others, and in that mutual holding, regenerate hope.
Well, I’m honored to work with you here, and I’ll see you soon. Read below and send me a question for a future Canoe Talk video response.
Thanks for running with me,
Jeffrey
From a Reader in Response to Last Week’s Wonder Dispatch
I love this melding of peak and "ordinary" experiences. We can say yes(!) to both because both feel so important - peak to gain perspective, ordinary to relish each moment of our lives anew.
Canoe Talks Might Return: Have a Question or Observation?
Canoe Talks is a video series of unconventional wisdom in an unconventional setting designed for mindful change-makers – entrepreneurs, creatives, leaders, business owners, and professionals.
A few years ago we experimented with an AMA format. A reader sends in a question or observation aimed for my response. I wonder. Then I grab my camera and paddle, get in my canoe, hit record, and wonder aloud.
Hit me up with a question, suggestion, or observation you want me to respond to. Really, anything is on the table. I’m hyper-curious, for better or worse. Use the form or…
It’s a bit of high labor but fun. And it gets me in a boat - one of my happy places.
On Jeffrey’s & Team TW’s Radar
Send us a resource or link that you think readers of a future Dispatch would get curious about. We’ll give you credit.
»> Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times (Authority Magazine Interview) - Authority Magazine interviewed TW reader and client and Rich in Relationship founder Rich Heller. Right on topic. Congratulations, Rich, for the opportunity to share your perspective.
»> Re: enchanted (Chloe Hope | Death & Birds | Substack): “As a child I believed that magic existed, but lay somewhere just beyond reach. Thankfully, in adulthood I grew out of that delusion and came to see that not only is it within reach, it is everywhere.”
Recounting the story of Nick Cave touched me. While I can't imagine the world-collapsing grief of losing a child, I have lost both of my parents in the last year. Connection was a main source of support, from my brother, my wife, and my adult children.